Struggling to love myself. Struggling to find God. I’m not strong. I’m not worth much. I was thinking about my korean co-teacher who quit in November. I miss her, but we drifted apart. Today, I saw that one of the foreign teachers hung out with her. I’m a bit jealous. I miss her. But we drifted apart and it’s now really weird between us. I wonder if I should contact her. I’m really struggling lately with finding my faith…with finding God. It’s a very long story. I just wish I could figure out how to start.
“My heart is breaking for reasons unknown. The bandages are unraveling at the seams, drenched in blood. It’s breaking like shattered glass. Unfixable. Its pounding is getting faster, needing oxygen to stay alive. Needing what’s missing just to survive. Alas, it stopped. It didn’t even say goodbye to me. My own heart. I never knew what it was thinking. But I always felt something was missing. I always knew it was broken. But the stitches i used to try and mend it…torn. I knew this day would come. But too soon it came. What once was broken, stayed. And in the next life, I’ll protect it more. Or so I say. What once was, always is, and never to be again.” Written on Jan. 22, 2017
“A war amongst people only leads to death. It’s a slow death of our souls. Of our rights. Of our emotions. Of our family. Of our friends. A war amongst people takes a toll even on death itself. But the war wagers on. Determined to see a victor. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? A war amongst people only leads to death.” Written on January 31, 2017