No matter how much I change the only thing that is ever consistent is the my hopeless romantic view of maybe I might be happy and find a love that takes me through the ups and downs.
But they say you can’t find love until you love yourself. Does that mean I won’t ever find love then? Can you let me know how to love yourself? I don’t think I know what that means or if I do. I am very proud of myself for things I’ve done. But love?
It’s a bit complicated. I’ve posted about this before but as I sit alone in my apartment in a foreign country, I realize that I can’t find someone because of a couple of things. First, I am bad at meeting new people. It pains me to meet new people and then trying a guy who will like me for me. Terrifying. Second, I don’t think I love myself.
Despite all this, I absolutely still want to try and find love. A love that gives me ups and downs, fights, joys, trips, arguments, hand holding, sadness, happiness, and madness. I want it to encompass all these emotions and more. I want to put effort into it. Why can’t I find someone? Why?