So a few things happened at my new job that I felt very…stifled by.
Last week we had a big internal meeting. We were discussing things about a project and I had an idea. When I spoke up, everyone just stared and didn’t say anything. I felt like I was being criticized for speaking up about the project and what I felt. After that, everyone went on and didn’t even take time to think about my idea – instead probably forgetting about what I had said. Because of that, I wrote a quick poem that I didn’t really finish.
My voice is silenced
Only able to speak when spoken to
Though thoughts run rampant inside my mind
The tongue and mouth don’t move
Vocal chords need tuning
Just let me speak
Speak my mind
Your promises of freedom
Of yelling at the top of my lungs
They no longer exist
Reason was lost
Control and power are the game
I thought I was the game changer
But instead I’m just a pawn
Taking orders from the King & Queen
That’s what I had come up with…actually I added the last two lines when I wrote this blog because it seemed fitting. But here comes the second thing …Yesterday I was dozing off in a meeting with a client. It was a phone conference ..but I couldn’t keep my eyes opened. My head was dizzy and my eyes just kept shutting. I felt like a fool. I should have gotten up but every time I tried they (as in my co-workers) kept staring at me so I felt like I had to stay. Long story short, they told my boss and he basically scolded me. I felt like I was going to get fired. I have NEVER done that before. Ever! I’ve sat in some pretty long meetings before where my part of the meeting was only 10 minutes. Even then I had never done that. I felt sooooooo bad!. I CRIED! You have to understand, I don’t do that. I have to feel really horrible to do that. And that my dear friends is how I ended up crying.