Gotta be more

It occurs to me that no matter how many times I try not to think about being 25 and never really having a boyfriend …I don’t necessarily think of john as my ex or anything. I think of him as a friend that passed through.

But besides that, somehow something reminds me of all my flaws. I know no one is perfect. I know that our flaws make up a part of us. But I can’t help but to wonder if all my imperfections really make me stronger or weaker. Depending on who you talk to, my bluntness about things is a curse and a trademark.

It’s funny. I can say what’s on my mind to my friends about random topics. Whether it be what’s happening in their lives to politics. They ask my opinion and I give it. But even so, many of them don’t really know the things I keep to myself…things I’ve been writing here. And the things I keep from my parents…they think their daughter is a strong, confident and hard working woman. What happens when they figure out I’ve been lying to them all these years?

I’m insecure. I am beyond emotional at times and I sometimes want to just give up and stop working. My family doesn’t even know about john or any other guy I’ve ever shown interest in. I wish I could change the relationship I have with my parents but, its already been set. Maybe when I’m older I will let them in on the secret. Honestly, sometimes it feels like I live a double life…

I gotta cheer myself up. I know there’s more to life than this…I just have to figure out what’s in store for me.

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