What to do? Another Thinking Mood

It’s been a long time since I’ve written on my blog! I know I always say that I’ll keep it up, but I never do. For once, maybe for once, I’ll keep that promise. Lately, I’ve found that there have been many things on my mind that keep me up at night. These thoughts are just…petty little things, but they bother me.

1. I want to leave my home of San Antonio, Texas. I love this city, I do. I want to make sure I end up here after I retire (which is a long times away). But I want to experience other places. After my trip to Korea (which I’ll post about and put up some pictures!) I have this thirst for traveling. I always loved visiting other places and I realize that my dreams are a bit changing. In Oct. 2014 I am visiting Japan (Tokyo, Hiroshima, Kyoto, Tsumago and Nikko). I cannot wait. But I really want to visit Korea again – I miss it!

2. My loans! My goodness. I need another job so that I can start paying my loans. My job, while I like it, doesn’t always pay my bills.

3. Silly thinking of not being able to find someone – even though I say I never want to get married – I actually do. I don’t know why I feel the need to tell people I don’t want to get married…but I do. But that would require me to talk to guys and get out of my world. Honestly, it’s not that I have any problems with being able to talk to guys, it’s that I’m probably not their type…I’m average…here’s where the self esteem issues come in. Honestly, I don’t even know why I let this bother me so much, but I think about it constantly.

4. New Degree. I am contemplating getting an International marketing (or international relations) degree. That means more loans..and as is I can’t even pay the ones I have. But my thirst for this field is growing and I absolutely want to give it a shot.

5. Thinking of “John” a lot lately. It’s irritating. I don’t know why. And it’s very bothersome. Everyone has been bringing his name up lately and I just want to scream at them for it. Don’t they realize how hard it is for me? Deep down I still care and will always care, but I’m tired of it all. I’m tired of him being the only reminder of how I actually cared. Why can’t I erase those memories out of my head? Why did I ever meet the guy? Why??? Just thinking of it makes me MAD! What a mistake…what a damn mistake.

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