Moving On

I am moving on from “John” – See post called “love of my life.” That’s right. I have finally made the decision to no longer communicate with him.

I’ve never stopped caring for him. So when we started talking again, I thought, “Finally, he’ll choose me!” Especially since he’d been saying that he can see us getting married because of all the things we’ve been through together. That’s right. He also said that we’re not meant to be just friends.

What girl wouldn’t think what i thought. He is coming back home in July so I thought that when we hung out I’d ask him what I was to him and see if we could finally become something more than just friends. Well, I didn’t have to wait. We were talking on Memorial Day and he mentioned that he was back at work (by the way he’s in the army and stationed in Korea). He said he didn’t have a good weekend because he was having some emotional issues. Then he said “I’m having women issues”….that being said, it wasn’t with me. He continued to say that he emailed the girl he knew from when he was in Germany and that he told her how he felt about her, and wanted to be with her.

I broke down. I cried myself to sleep that night and it wasn’t pretty. It hurt really bad. I let it sink in that I was never going to be his first choice. I’ve had enough of being his “go to” girl when anything went wrong in his life. A few days later I saw a quote that one of my favorite musicians posted on his Facebook. It said “You have to let go of your past if you want to have a future.” And it hit me. I want a future.

I’d been posting some posts on facebook about how I was sad. John commented and asked if I was okay. Then he IMed me on it. I lied in the beginning because I didn’t know how to tell him that it was all his fault I was feeling like this again. The next day I met up with an old friend from high school who gave me her personal story about moving on. And that’s when I decided I needed to stop talking to him. I sent him an email saying that it was about him and that I can’t talk to him. That if i ever get over him, I’d message him, but until then, for him not to talk to me.

He replied back saying:
“Heh, I know. Well I’m sorry. I never ment to get evolved that way. Way just being friendly.. How many times do I have to say I’m sorry?

Well sorry I’ve hurt you. Hope you can move on one day.”

And with that, I’ve ended my friendship with John. I do not want to see him. Nor do I want to talk to him again. I’m done with him. I deserve a lot better. I feel empowered! And I want to date. I haven’t dated since…well..it’s been forever. That’s because I was holding out for the day that John would wake up and realize I was/am the best thing that he had. I’d talked to a few guys in between, but nothing serious ever came from it. Now I’m letting my friends know that if they want to set me up with someone, they can! I am actually looking forward to dating. If you know anyone in San Antonio, Tx, let me know! LOL

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