I know you exist. I know. I just don’t know how to really let you lead my life.
But first, I just want to say Thank You.
1. I start my full time job tomorrow. I am no longer a part time employee at the newspaper. I can only say that it’s because of you. While I worked my ass off at the job, I know that you’ve seen and heard my prayers and others.
2. That I have a few friends who understand my hesitancy.
It’s ironic. I know that I can thank you. I know that you’ve helped me a long the way. But my goodness, what a way it was. Struggles and hardships. Don’t get me wrong, they’ve been an identity former. These situations have not defined me, but they’ve definitely made me think differently and grow a little more. But then, they’ve also kept me from wanting to get to know You more.
I can’t help but to think that I’m one one of those people that don’t deserve any type of forgiveness. That I’m one of those people that don’t deserve a second chance. The things I’ve done, thought of, wished of… It’s shameful. How can You really forgive someone like me. It just makes me wonder.
Actually, I know I’m changing a bit, especially since the other day I actually stopped to listen to the Christian radio station. A song came on by a band called, third day? Something like that. But I cried. The song spoke to me. It was called “I need a Miracle” . It just makes me realize that there are things that are bigger than me, like God. I’m still struggling and I’m not saying that I’m any closer to finding my faith again, but maybe a change is coming?